I'm a nurse, a student, and a mother. Well, actually I’m not a nurse yet, but I wear the same uniform and have the same hours, so in my 3-year-old son’s eyes I’m a nurse. He’s still trying to grasp what exactly it is that a nurse does. He knows the uniform. One night I came home and he asked me if I took care of “dead people.” My son had taken what he’d seen on TV, put two and two together, and come to that conclusion. I was disturbed for two reasons: One he’d obviously watched Jordan’s Crossing and CSI with me, which meant that I’d shirked my responsibility in monitoring his TV habits. Plus, I hated that my little one was thinking about death. Upon further interrogation, I realized that he didn’t know what “dead” meant. Eventually I was able to explain to him that I took care of “sick people,” which made him reference ER.

My main guilt is that I’ve committed the unpardonable sin of using my TV as a babysitter. I’m a nursing student and work as a nurse tech. When I’m studying, I should be working. When I’m working, I should be mothering. When I’m mothering, I should be studying. It’s a vicious cycle.

In my heart, my son is my first priority, but realistically, as a single parent if I want to give him the kind of things he needs (good education, medical care, a decent home), I must put the others first for now.

I don’t classify my problem as being a single mom. I’m a single “parent.” Both men and women are placed in that role, so I stay away from feminizing my situation. But being a single mom implies that maybe a single father is in the picture. My son’s father is not part (except financially) of our son’s life, so I play both parent roles.

I think nursing prepares me for my roles. We’re trained to look holistically at patients, assess, diagnose, plan, implement, and evaluate. If we apply these same techniques to parenthood, we should be successful. Then there’s the problem of working a 12-hour shift taking care of six to eight patients, only to come home and have to take care of children.

So, how does a parent accomplish this, attend school, and work 12-hour shifts? Family and social organizations help fill in the gaps. I’m blessed with a strong family network of grandparents. They’re there for the work hours and occasionally when I’m cramming for school. My son attends a Pre-K program and aftercare. In fact, I have it planned so down-to-the-minute on where my son can be while I work and study that I count myself lucky. But guilt still plays a role in my life. On average, I have to spend most of my week doing things that do not include my son. I also worry that I’m leaving much of his formative learning up to others.

So, I have been able to find ways to incorporate my son into my world. I’ve also discovered sources of support for single parents. Here are some ideas and resources that can be handy for any parent/nurses.

Designate times during the week or day especially for you and your child. I devote most of Tuesday and Thursday to being my son’s best friend. We play at the park, see movies, go to the beach, and sit around and watch cartoons together. I do my best to avoid thinking about work, school, and other pressures. Most of all, I make sure to pay attention to what he tells me and let him know that this is his special time. Most nights, I try to be the one who gives him his bath and tucks him in bed. I also try to make sure we eat our meals together.

Incorporate what you are learning and doing at work into your time with your child. Most people read bedtime stories about fairies and kings. Along with those, around study time, I make up stories that include medical diseases as characters and anatomy parts as locations. This doesn’t apply to student nurses only. From what I have seen, nurses really never stop needing to learn. It helps cement the text into my memory. I have also noticed that my son has an advanced medical vocabulary. The other day at lunch, my son choked on a drink, and then told me that he had “aspirated.” My mother, an RN, almost fell out of her chair.

Clear up any misconceptions your child may have about what you do for a living. Let’s face it: Nurses aren’t most kids’ favorite professional. Nurses are the ones who give the injections, poke and prod, and tend wounds. The first time I put on scrubs, my child had a flashback of his recent immunization and refused to come near me. My child doesn’t know the difference between an RN, LPN, nurse tech, or doctor. That’s OK with me. But I want him to understand what I do, so that he can comprehend why I get tired, grumpy, or just plain worn out. As he grows older, I want my son to understand the hard work that professionals have had to go through to reach their career goals and clear up any false impression the media makes about the medical professions. I’ll explain that nurses do other things besides give injections and place bandages. A typical, exciting day on the show ER is not an example of real world medical care. Nursing can be exciting, but much time is spent charting and doing repetitive tasks.

Your child is not your patient, and your patient is not your child. Being fresh to nursing, I haven’t had this problem much. But the other nurses in my family have a hard time realizing that there is a difference. I often accused my mom of using all her kindness for patients. Because both tasks entail caring for someone, you can mix up your perceptions. My mom and I both have a hard time nixing the “honey” and “sweetheart” from our lingo at work that we apply to family and the children. One of the first times I had to feed an elderly patient, I accidentally slipped into baby talk, before she gave me a look that put me in my place. If my child becomes sick, my job is not to diagnose him, as much as it is for me to get him to a doctor.

Get enough sleep! This may sound out of left field, but I have three nurses in my family, and most of the time they all seem sleep deprived. You’ll do your child no good groggy from work. We forget that we are not super heroes and end a 7 PM-7 AM shift, come home, and attempt to stay up until the child has a nap or until bedtime. You need to find someone to relieve you for sleep time. My sister, an RN, is a single parent with two daughters. We still worry about them being alone, so guess who watches them so she can sleep…me. My mom watches my son while I sleep. My father watches the kids when we all work the night shift. But the key is covering each other, so that everyone is well rested. If you don’t have family to help out, put your children in some kind of day program, check out a church program, or use the time they’re in school. Another idea is to locate a fellow nurse, whom you trust, in the same situation and swap child care duty. When I’m off work, if possible, I lie down and nap with my son. It is an incredible bonding experience and one of my favorite times.

Take care of yourself! This goes along with the sleep problem, but it seems as if nurses are so busy taking care of others, they rarely take time for themselves. Allow yourself luxuries and time alone. If you’re able to, try to keep some sort of social life. Friends and dating are important to single parents. Sometimes it seems as if I spend half my time talking medical, the other half talking Teletubbies. It’s nice to have a long gossip with my friends or a flirt with a good-looking guy. You are a parent and nurse, but also a human with human needs. If you take good care of yourself, you will be in better condition to take good care of your children (and patients.)

Check out resources at your place of employment. The hospital I work at has a program called “Kidcare,” that allows me to bring my son to the hospital with me. There is a nursery, and provided my child isn’t sick with something very contagious or life-threatening, the staff will watch him and tend to his illness. It’s staffed by nurses and covers all work shifts. If you have an onsite daycare at your medical facility, try to take advantage of it. It’s nice to be able to take your lunch breaks and visit for a time with your young one.

Check out alternative learning techniques. Since nurses always seem to be studying for something (promotion, new field or techniques, continuing education) search for ways of learning that do not take you far from home. I’m up to my chin in nursing education, but I make sure to take at least one of my courses online. This allows me to spend the time I would be in class with my child. I do the online course when my son is asleep at night or engaged elsewhere. It can be done on your schedule, not the schools. CEs can be done online at websites like Nursing Spectrum’s .

I would love to be able to say that I have found the solution to single parenthood nursing. Maybe by the time I’m actually a RN, I’ll have better answers. It’s working for me so far. However, I know that everyone has individual circumstances. But being a single parent can be lonely and terrifying at times, as well as rewarding and joyful. Add the responsibility of caring for patients’ welfare, and you can often feel that your job as caretaker never ends. There are resources out there to help out with most situations.

Being a nurse should give you skills to help you that other professions lack. Simply apply holistic nursing to your own self — ADPIE, of course. Assess your situation, diagnose your problem, plan a way to fix the problem, implement the plan, and evaluate if it worked. Be as good a nurse to yourself and your family as you are to your patients.

Linda L. Lewis is a nursing student at St. Petersburg College in St. Petersburg, FL.